Archive for February, 2009

Ashes to Ashes, Funk to Funky

Posted in Musings on February 26, 2009 by xxxicana

So, yesterday was Ash Wednesday – and I made fish for dinner.  ?????  I didn’t consciously plan on fish, it just happened.  Some habits are hard to overcome — especially the Catholic ones.  Growing up, we NEVER celebrated Fat Tuesday, but were hyper vigilant about observing the Lenten season.  I think my mom just wanted an excuse to eat tuna casserole every Friday.  We attended stations of the cross every friggin Friday . . .  Jeezy Creezy!  There’s nothing like (metaphorical) self flagellation to instill good moral values in children! As a result, I continue to suffer from pangs of guilt, seek out martydom, and collect all sorts of random Catholic doodads!

What’s a post-marxist atheist ORDAINED MINISTER to do?  Don’t forget — I’m still available for ritual cleansings, marriages, exorcisms, blessings, and indulgences.  [BTW, I am sorry to say that I will not be officiating for Sam’s wedding.  Her fiance turned out to be a schmuck — maybe we’ll do BBQ anyway!].

You may wonder what started me on the Catholic jag — well, I was sitting here this morning reading my morning “papers” when I looked up and saw something nailed to the wall . . . and it’s not Christ on the Cross [again the diff between Catholics and Protestants is that we Catholics like our Jesus still ON cross].

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WTF?  It’s Mister Man’s braid!!  I told him he has to take that thing down, it creeps me out!  But, it did remind me to post about his FUNKY transformation [tie in to blog title].  You can check out his photo documentary of the process (link is Ruminant Records) — but here are a few pics to tantalize:

BEFORE

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AFTER

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Needless to say, the change is dramatic [Mister Man, after all is never subtle!].  So, what’s my take? Well, we are not our hair — but hair styles can connote something about ourselves.  Mister Man went from Hippie Biker look to Irish Punk band look.  Maybe we’ll start to hear new styles of music out of him (he did start taking mandolin lessons).   I like his new look, I liked his old look — but most of all I like Ike Tom.

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The Google and Old Friends

Posted in 1 on February 21, 2009 by xxxicana

So, there’s this thing people do with the google — they google their own names [ego surfing].  I am SO guilty of it — I think a lot of academics do it, they might not admit it, but they do.  After all, in academia, we don’t have much more than our reputations (social capital is how some refer to it).  It is sort of like compulsively checking your investments; is the dow up or down; should I buy more shares of this or that (as if I know anything about finances).

Anyway, I recently received an email out of the blue from a friend from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away . . . .

Apparently he and another friend were wondering what had happened to me and used the good old google to locate me.  As a result, I was updated on the haps of several people that I use to hang with back in the early 80s when I was much thinner, sported leg warmers, and drank cheap beer.  My, how times have changed.   Thank god I don’t wear leg warmers, I’d like to be thinner, but am resigned to being “voluptuous,” and most importantly  . . .  I DON’T DRINK CHEAP BEER anymore.

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Many thanks to Shawn for sending the photo.  His comment was, “I don’t remember you being so short.”  My first thought was, jeez, I can’t believe I actually let Michael touch me!  Michael is the one in the satin jacket — the 80s equivalent of leg warmers for men.  The other guy, holding the coors bottle, is Ace.  Interesting story about Ace is that he and I went to high school together but didn’t know each other at the time.  Well, I knew who he was . . . just about one of the geekiest guys at school.  He and a pal used to ride their (so they thought) gnarly BMX bikes around campus a lot.  We met up a few years later via Shawn who kept on telling me, oh, you’ve just got to meet ACE.  We actually went out a few times . . . but one of us was too strange for the other  . . . or vice versa.  Keep in mind that I am fairly close to being the female version of Dwight Schrute.  [side story:  Mister Man and I laughed our asses off over the episode of Dwight on Second Life].

Here’s a photo of Shawn back then . . .

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I don’t really like to engage in too much nostalgia, but hangin’ out with Shawn, Andy, Ace, and Michael was pretty fun. Shawn worked at a video game repair shop and we used to go in and play Tron or Space Invaders for hours.   I got my first really bad hangover drinking with those guys — off of pepperming schnapps — the true mark of a novice!  I met Shawn through Andy who was a classmate in Political Science at CSUF.  Here’s a photo of Andy (the one in hat) with Ace (the one in the dress —  damn I hated it when guys looked better than me in a dress).

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Andy was truly a great friend . . . so much so that he refused to give his blessing to my marriage, although he and Shawn did visit me shortly after the birth of my now adult offspring.   I am waiting for Andy to respond to my email — hey!  Andy!  Write back already!!!

So, what happens when more than 25 years go by?  Here’s a photo of my sis Shelly and me:

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I’m the one with the Nebraska T-shirt.  What happens after 25 years is that, well, in my case, I’m older, fatter (oops, I mean more voluptuous), more forgiving, more laid back, less militant, but still WAY TOO COOL!!

I said I’m a Quitter — Not a Loser

Posted in 1 on February 6, 2009 by xxxicana

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Hey, all you peeps out there . . .  send me congratulatory messages — I quit smoking TWO years ago!!  So, in lieu of flowers at my premature funeral, shoot me an emoticon!

ShamWoW, Slap Chop, and the Graty!!!

Posted in Musings with tags , , on February 1, 2009 by xxxicana

WHO IS THIS GUY????                 AND WHY DO I WANT TO BUY HIS PRODUCTS????

slapchop_featuresFirst he hawked the ShamWoW, now he’s on TV again with the incredible Slap Chop and companion Graty — buy NOW!!  I checked out the website (www.slapchop.com) — and he ain’t lying — if you call in to order, the price is lower and you get a free chopping board!!

This guy is GRATE (heehee, a little pun).   No, really, he is perfect for pitching products.  The first time I saw the ShamWow commercial I couldn’t quite like him, but I couldn’t quite dis-like him.   After watching the commercial several times, I almost bought ShamWoWs for everyone for Christmas (I caught myself before I committed).  His style is interesting — clearly he is on TV and so the audio is recorded with a boom, but he wears a headset as if he were talking to us at homeshow or the state fair.  The products are, eh, so-so.  Come on, I can clean up a mess in the house with a free product called “Mister Man’s ratty ol’ t-shirts that not even he can wear anymore,” — those things other people call “rags.”  (Mister Man takes pride in his riches to rags wear — but that’s another post).

Now we are being sold the Slap Chop and the Graty — and I find myself mysteriously desiring these products — this guy has sucked me in — I WANT, I WANT, I WANT!!

But, that’s the point, no?  Again, we are being sold the sizzle, not the steak (I know, obscure reference — in a former life I worked in retail and was trained to sell, sell, sell).  I already have kitchen implements that fulfill chopping functions — uh, like KNIVES.  I even have a 20 year old cuisinart and a 24 year old blender.  I don’t need a  Slap chop — get me something really innovative, like a BITCH SLAP CHOP!.

So, who is this guy?  Check out his wiki entry:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vince_Offer

Yes, he is a real person, and he OWNS the products he hawks!  He’s an ex-scientologist that sued the church (yay for him), he sued Anna Nicole Smith, he’s sued everyone in Hollywood!  Move over Ron Popeil – Vince is the new permutation of the shyster or purveyor of snake oil.